CHOCOLATE
(Thailand, 2008)
Directed by Prachya Pinkaew
Starring: “Jija” Yanin Vismistananda, Hiroshi Abe, Pongpat Wachirabanjong, Amara Siripong, Tapol Pobwandee, Lim Su Jeong, Soumia Abalhaja, “Oh” Sirimongkol, Day Freeman

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 4.3

Readers of this site know about my love affair with Japanese cinema, and I’m also a huge fan of Chinese and Korean movies. The Thai film industry though, is still lagging far behind the three giants just mentioned. However, things are slowly turning around for them. BANGKOK DANGEROUS (by the Pang Brothers, 2000) was the first Thai film that caught my attention, then KILLER TATTOO (directed by Yuthlert Sippapak, 2001) proved extremely entertaining, and LAST LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE (directed by Pen-Ek Ratanaruang, 2003) knocked my socks off (in fact, it’s one of my all-time favorite movies). When the amazing ONG-BAK: MUAY THAI WARRIOR (directed by Prachya Pinkaew, 2003) and its star, Tony Jaa, took the world by storm, it was clear that Thailand had hit the world stage. Yes, they still have a long way to go, but anyone that ignores the latest releases from this country are stone cold fools.

Now the same director and martial arts choreographer (Panna Rittikrai) who brought you ONG-BAK have done it again with the excellent CHOCOLATE. This is a tale of an autistic girl with heightened reflexes and senses that, by watching movies and staring at the students at a marital arts school next door, becomes a fearsome fighter. Though very small in stature and looking 16 or 17 in the film, this 24 year-old actress (who happens to have a background in Taekwando) rips through dozens of men as if they were confetti and, in her very first movie, has instantly made herself the new first lady of martial arts.

CHOCOLATE features a loose script, but the many odd/bizarre characters, mixed with Miss Vismistananda’s acting and fighting skills, makes this a must see for any fan of martial arts cinema.

One final word: when the actual movie ends, keep watching! A clip appears showing the many accidents and injuries the actors had during filming. It seems everyone (including Vismistananda) suffered some serious pain, and the filmmakers let you see what can happen when everyone does their own stunts.

MICHAEL CLAYTON
(2007)
Directed (and written) by Tony Gilroy
Starring: George Clooney, Tom Willkinson, Tilda Swinton, Sydney Pollack

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 6

An absolutely delightful film with Clooney giving us (perhaps) his greatest performance, while Willkinson, Pollack, and Swinton also did themselves proud. Tony Gilroy, who penned the Bourne trilogy of films, outdoes himself with this tight, compelling script. If you haven’t seen it, get the DVD and prepare yourself for a highly enjoyable experience. Great acting, great script, great dialogue – MICHAEL CLAYTON singlehandedly gave me hope that Hollywood might not be completely beyond redemption.

THE FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER
(2007)
Directed by Tim Story
Starring: Michael Chiklis, Jessica Alba

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 1

STARDUST
(2007)
Directed by Matthew Vaughn
Starring: Charlie Cox, Claire Danes, Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert De Niro, Sienna Miller

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 2

I had really high expectations when this thing came out. The cast alone is enough to make one drool. And then something happened to make me feel wave after wave of deep disappointment crash over my numbed sensibilities – the film began. From its very first moments, STARDUST seemed out of sync. After a few minutes it became clear that it wanted to be PRINCESS BRIDE (a movie that worked on every level), but wanting something and actually pulling it off can be two different things. And so, I watched scene after scene that featured the filmmakers trying desperately to create a classic fantasy, and I felt nothing but sadness at the mess that came from their noble dreams.

THE DETECTIVE
(2007)
Directed by Oxide Pang
Starring: Aaron Kwok Fu-Sing, Liu Kai-Chi, Shing Fui-On

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 4.5

CJ7
(China 2008)
Directed by Stephen Chow
Starring: Stephen Chow, Jiao Xu, Lee Sheung Ching, Tin Kai-man, Kitty Zhang Yugi

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 5.0

TOKYO ZOMBIE
(2005)
Directed by Sakichi Sato
Starring: Sho Aikawa, Tadanobu Asano, Yoshiyuki Morishita, Harumi Sone

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 3.5

Well, what do we have here? A garbage dump that’s turned into a huge mountain, a bald judo master (brilliantly portrayed by Sho Aikawa) that tries his best to teach his art to his mentally deficient friend (Asano), slower than snails zombies (which quickly take over Japan), and a society that is so desperate for entertainment that they pit zombies against humans in old Roman style, to-the-death battles.

All this sounds unintelligible and, in some ways, it is. But, at its core it’s nothing more than a comedy buddy/road film and it works well if viewed in that manner. It’s not great, but it’s also an enjoyable experience that’s well worth a viewing.

MACHINE GIRL
(2008)
Directed by Noboru Iguchi
Starring: Minase Yashiro, Asami, Kentaro Shimazu, Honoha, Taro Suwa

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 3.5

This was the talk of the town when it first came out thanks to its trailers that showed an endless amount of spurting blood, ninjas, implied rape of a dead teenage girl, a machine gun arm (her own arm was cut off by evil Yakuza), a flying guillotine, horrible acting, and even a drill bra – you’ll never want to hug a woman again, since her bra might very well drill right through you!

The story is simple: girl’s brother is murdered by evil Yakuza, girl wants revenge, she begins rampage of death and kills who knows how many people in various ways (in one scene, her arm gets cooked and turned into tempura -- that's something you don't see every day!), she gets captured, tortured, and her arm is cut off before escaping. She is found by a husband and wife that own a garage and work on cars. They stick a machine gun to her stump (I would do the same if I found a half dead girl who is missing an arm laying by my door, wouldn’t you?) and off she goes, killing everyone in her path.

In other words, a pure gore-fest that’s intended to keep you laughing and, at times, gagging throughout every second of the festivities.

VIBRATOR
(2005)
Directed by Ryuichi Hiroki
Starring: Shinobu Terajima, Nao Omori

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 2.5

30 DAYS OF NIGHT
(2007)
Directed by David Slade
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Melissa George, Danny Huston, Ben Foster

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 4.5

I’m a big fan of vampire films. Most suck, but occasionally we get one that takes the genre to new places, or manages to get our jaded hearts pounding even though we know that throats will be torn and people sucked dry.

Two strokes of genius make this film highly memorable: the sheer otherworldly bleakness of Barrow Alaska (a real town), which once a year enters 30 days of perpetual night. How could this place not be vampire central? The other is the use of old world, Eastern European blood imbibers. Their jagged teeth and sheer animal personas make one feel completely helpless in their presence. When you round these things out with excellent acting and a tight script, you just can’t go wrong. If you don’t like this movie, then you just don’t like “realistic” vampire flicks.

THE GOLDEN COMPASS
(2007)
Directed by Bob Shaye
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Dakota Blue Richards, Sam Elliott, Eva Green, Daniel Craig

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 4.7

Though I worked a bit on the first HARRY POTTER film, I always felt that the Potter series was a disappointment – sanitized characters without any real substance. Then came THE GOLDEN COMPASS, another book-to-movie adaptation. I expected this to be even worse than Potter, though the religious ravings that were dedicated to destroying the film gave me hope that it might actually turn out okay (anyone that screams endlessly about something like this must fear its message, which told me that the film might actually have some thought-worthy content in it).

After seeing the film, I can understand the outrage of the Church. In the movie, a totalitarian institution called “the Church” wants to brainwash everyone on the planet so that they can rule and imprint their view of reality for all time to come. Throughout our own history, “our” Church did the same thing, and continues to dream of turning the tide in their favor to this day. Few wish to face the truth that’s staring back in the mirror.

Nevertheless, the only truly religious thing (as in the celebration of the soul, not its domination) I saw in THE GOLDEN COMPASS was its concept of “daemons” – animals that are manifestations of the human soul. Every person has such a daemon, and are joined to them as part of themselves. How utterly delightful! The animals are portrayed magnificently, and Dakota Blue Richards (as the teenage girl that everyone seems to be after) was a revelation!

I consider this movie to be far superior to any of the HARRY POTTER films. The children were wonderful and shed innocence all over the screen, the animals are a joy to behold, the story is gripping, and the villain (Nicole Kidman, who seems inhumanly beautiful and inhumanly cold) is one for the ages.

ALIENS vs. PREDATOR: REQUIEM
(2007)
Directed by the Brothers Strause
Starring: Steven Pasquale, Reiko Aylesworth, John Ortiz

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 3.0

I loved all the Alien movies, and found the two Predator films to be enjoyable too. When the first ALIENS vs. PREDATOR extravaganza appeared, I had to admit that it wasn’t what one would call a good movie, but it was entertaining. ALIENS vs. PREDATOR: REQUIEM, though, is quite a different beast. Here I feel we have stepped beyond science fiction and entered the gnarly world of horror aka Freddie Kruger, Jason, and Rob Zombie – brutal deaths, piled up to the sky.

The story is simple enough (and begins where the last one left off): an alien hatches from a predator (creating a predator/alien hybrid), ends up in some small Colorado town, creates more aliens, and the feeding begins. In the meantime, a predator is sent to wipe these things out, though matters quickly get out of hand/claw.

The result is pure chaos as people are shredded, eviscerated, and turned into alien baby food in endless gory ways. My favorite gross out appears in two scenes where pregnant women are seized by the aliens and “kissed” – their eggs being forced down the women’s throats (it shows their throats gulping and bulging as the eggs go down) and into their wombs where the baby aliens can feed.

I personally had a jolly good time, cheering on the predator to the bitter end. Was the dialogue good? No! Did things really make any sense? No … but then, does Jason or Freddie Kruger make sense? Of course not! But, while man’s ubiquitous inhumanity to man has gotten old, watching aliens do what comes natural proved immensely entertaining.

HANCOCK
(2008)
Directed by Peter Berg
Starring: Will Smith, Jason Bateman, Charlize Theron

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 4.7

At first I expected the world from this film, but then the reviews poured in and made it clear that it was an utter failure. However, I decided to give it a shot anyway, though this time with vastly diminished expectations. What I got was a fantastic movie-going experience.

The first half of Hancock set the tone and was so good that I began to wonder where they could possibly go with it that wouldn’t let the film crash and burn. Amazingly, they tied everything together in an original, in fact delightful manner that created all new areas of intensity, tenderness, and action.

MEMORIES OF MATSUKO
(2006)
Directed by Tetsuya Nakashima
Starring: Miki Nakatani, Eita, Yusuke Iseya, Asuka Kurosawa

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 3.2

An obese bag lady is found beaten to death, her family is told and her father, unable to deal with the aftermath, asks his disenfranchised son to put her final affairs in order. This film, beautifully acted and more than a little thought provoking, could have been terrific but failed for two simple reasons: In going over the dead woman’s life we are led to believe that her life had meaning. Though mental illness doesn’t mean your life won’t have meaning, we have to wonder what’s so special if that life is filled with nothing but misery, heartbreak, bad/suicidal choices, and vacuity. This is the second time the Japanese have given credence to such a human mess (the other film where this happened is VIBRATOR, which was reviewed earlier). Indeed, when her father told his son that “Her life was wasted, useless.” we were supposed to rail against that and scream that “No! Her life meant something!” But did it?

We are also led to believe that she was let down by every male she ever met. This list includes her students (when she was teaching), her lovers (when she was a prostitute, a hairdresser, a yakuza moll, and a murderer), her friends (criminals, porn stars, etc), and even her father.

Sorry, but modern culture seems to have thrown personal responsibility by the wayside, and this woman made the bed she laid in. In fact, when her friends tried to pull her away from abusive mates, she would attack them, ignore what they were trying to say, and refuse to leave.

In the end, her life was indeed wasted – a bitter, misery filled affair that lingered far longer than she probably wanted it to.

A bitter disappointment, since I expected so much more from director Nakashima (the maker of the wonderful KAMIKAZE GIRLS). Ultimately, great performances and Nakashima’s glitzy style couldn’t make up for the emotional sinkhole that was Matsuko’s life.

THE WARLORDS
(2007)
Director: Peter Chan
Starring: Jet Li, Andy Lau, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Xu Jinglei

Watson Scale (0 = worst, 6 = best): 5.0

For those that aren’t into heavy martial arts, keep in mind that Jet Li won a best actor award (for WARLORDS) at the Hong Kong Film Critics Awards. In other words, we’re talking about a huge epic that’s visually stunning and magnificently acted.

Of course, there are fight scenes with Li at its center, and when he gets the chance to show his stuff (no special effects or wirework needed) you’ll see him as a consummate martial artist. There isn’t a lot of this in the film, but what little there is will make you more than happy.

Set in the 1860s, the movie revolves around three men who take an oath of brotherhood. All have lofty ideals, hoping to drastically change the landscape of China. But, as their power grows, desire, ego, and the lust for even more power grows with it. Clearly, this is a recipe for tragedy, and tragedy is what you’ll get. In many ways heartbreaking, the ride is intense but oh so beautiful.

When you compare garbage like BRAVEHEART to a piece of art like THE WARLORDS, you begin to see the huge differences between Western and Asian film. The amazing sets, the epic nature of the battle scenes, and the opulence of the costuming is enough to leave your mouth gaping in awe. Don’t believe me? Check out WARLORDS and decide for yourself.