I admit it! I really enjoyed the first Resident Evil movie. It had a touch of mystery, lots of suspense, excellent effects, and a cast that carried things very well. Yes, it had holes – but it’s a zombie movie! A few holes are acceptable.

Cut to RESIDENT EVIL: APOCOLYPSE. Here we learned more about the Umbrella Corporation, watched Raccoon City get atomized, and stared rapturously at the stunningly beautiful Milla Jovovich kick even more zombie ass than she did in the first film. Unfortunately, we also learned that Paul W. S. Anderson’s screenplays are to be looked upon with suspicion, and that the transition from director of photography (second unit) to film director (which Alexander Witt tried to do here) often doesn’t translate at all!

STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL MILLA

Paul Anderson has directed such films as Alien Vs. Predator, Resident Evil, Event Horizon, and Mortal Kombat (just to name a few). Not bad – his directorial work isn’t brilliant, but it’s certainly solid. I know less about his work as screenwriter (Alien Vs. Predator, Resident Evil). Nevertheless, after seeing the mess of a screenplay from RESIDENT EVIL: APOCOLYPSE, I have major doubts about his ability to pen a tight story.

As I mentioned earlier, some holes can be forgiven. But here we see enormous chasms. And the dialogue is nothing more than repetitive drivel that can only be appreciated by boys under sixteen years of age.

A TYPICAL COP DELIGHTS YOUNG AUDIENCES

Though the script is VERY bad, first time director Alexander Witt’s work is far, far worse. The acting is (for the most part) poor, but he seems satisfied and allows it. The pacing is such that we never get a sense of the characters being anything but cartoons. Most upsetting, though, are the fight scenes (and this is extremely serious since 85% of the movie is composed of scenes of this nature). Nowadays it’s well known how to make these kind of superhuman battles seem real – the Chinese have turned it into a science. Mr. Witt, though, apparently had his own vision. I can only guess that he thought, “Why not keep things as dark as possible at all times so the viewer can’t really see what’s going on? Why not make more than liberal use of the classic shaky-cam, so nothing makes sense? And why not try and trick the viewer into thinking he’s watching a good fight scene by continuously speeding up the actors movements and never focusing on anything for more than a nanosecond?”

MILLA DESTROYS ANOTHER FACELESS ENEMY

As you might be able to surmise, when you take the writer’s use of endless explosions and firing of bullets as a replacement for a real story, and then mix it with a first-time director’s inability to make these battles appealing in any way, you end up with a disaster.

TRYING TO AVOID ZOMBIES BY GOING TO A GRAVEYARD

Make no mistake about it – RESIDENT EVIL: APOCOLYPSE is a truly awful film.