I can’t remember the last time a movie elicited such polarized and fluctuating opinions. Some folks, including all the reviewers in the press and on TV, love THE RETURN OF THE KING. Others have been horribly disappointed. One friend of mine has already seen it three times. He said he hated it the first go around but now loves it. Having just come back from my second viewing, I’m afraid I may be moving in the opposite direction.

I’m a bit disturbed by this because I pride myself on being a rather consistent girl, and having struggled with the reasons for this aberration, here’s the best I could come up with. In Comm Studies 101 the first thing they tell you is that messages are not conveyed in a vacuum. My first viewing was in San Francisco, a city where I’m always a little emotionally raw (don’t ask) so I was rather sympathetic to this emotional trilogy ending. Second time around was in my element in Los Angeles at the state-of-the-art Cinerama Dome, and I figured the technological enhancements would only amplify what I’d felt the first time. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It was all just kind of…flat. The audiences, by the way, were like night and day. In SF, everyone around me was sniveling, and they all left during the credits. In LA, it was snickering, and everyone stayed for the credits. Messages are not received in a vacuum.

But I suspect the real reason for my Jekyll-and-Hyde routine is that RETURN OF THE KING is a very long ending to a very long trilogy. The first time I went into this movie having just watched extended versions of the TWO TOWERS and the FELLOWSHIP the day before. It was exhausting, but everything seemed to culminate nicely in the third film. Or maybe I was just so darned relieved that it was over, anything would have made me happy. Hey, we’re talking about almost 12 hours of movie here. You’d be happy, too. Before my second go, almost two weeks had passed since I’d seen any of the films, and going into this one cold left me, well, kind of cold.

My point is that RETURN probably does not stand up well on its own. Without a fresh memory of the first two films, the impact of the third is greatly diminished. The whole Smeagol-Sam-Frodo triangle can seem a bit much, but with 8 hours of the first two chapters under your belt, you start to go a bit mad with them, and all that strange behavior actually makes sense. My suggestion is to look at all three installments as one really, really…really long film. If you don’t and view them separately, it shakes out like this. FELLOWSHIP is the foundation. Everything and everyone is being introduced. A new world is unveiled to us. On its own, this would be my favorite of the three, and rightfully so. Everything is shrouded in mystery. It has great mood and tone and incredible tension. THE TWO TOWERS is about the journey – and a whole lot of fighting – as characters are developed, further explored, etc. RETURN is the wrap party. Funny thing about endings. When they’re viewed in isolation like this, they’re sure to disappoint. Things are finally revealed. No more pondering over plotlines with anticipation. And there’s no more mystery. It’s like figuring out how to play a favorite song. Once you know how it’s done, somehow it never sounds quite as cool as it used to. In any case, I plan to watch all three films continuously when the extended version of the last one comes out. Say, when I’ve got the flu or the day after I’ve run a marathon and am unable to move for 12 hours. We’ll see how the message is received in my living room.

One word about those extended versions. I liked both of the first two films considerably more with the extra footage. There are some key scenes missing from RETURN, but I do believe that will all be ironed out in the extended version. And if you cheat and read about them like I did, then you may be more forgiving at this time.

Believe it or not, there were a few things that did not change for me between screenings. In San Francisco, as the final credits rolled by, my 90 year-old aunt gave me her verdict: “A little too much fighting.” I agree. The first time, I zoned out, having been pummeled by Helm’s Deep the day before. The second time I fell asleep. Not a fan of the overused falsetto stuff, but Howard Shore’s Ring theme is brilliant. Still hate that Annie Lennox song at the end. Goddamn pop song. Must every movie have a friggin’ pop song tacked on to the final credits? Totally kills it for me. Still love that army of the dead. And still have the hots for Viggo. Guess those were the only constants. Basically the power of the Ring is driving me mad.

So what do we gives this movie? Threezies, Love. We hates nasty melodrama. Too much fighting. Not enough Smeagol and Gollum. Besides Fat Hobbit tries to kills us. No! We loves it! Master looks after us for most of movie. Smeagol loves tidy endings. Gives it fives. Fine. We waits until we getses extended version, and then we shall see…when we have…the Precious!

The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring
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